Will the real person please step forward?

Who you are, in or out of the workplace, is key to any networking relationship you build with yourself, your friends, or your colleagues.

When our actions are not consistent, they create confusion for us and for those we network with. So who are we—really? The person at home, the person who attends a social gathering, or the one who shows up for work: if these people are not the same, it eventually takes its toll. Changing personalities also wastes time and reduces effectiveness.

We must choose the behavior that represents who we want to be and live with it consistently. If our behaviors are very different, perhaps it is time to evaluate who we really are and what we want in our life. When we determine what that is, the result might necessitate a permanent change in behavior.

My friend Marianna dresses in a conservative business suit by day. She is an exemplary worker who has the respect of all of her colleagues. She does not smoke, drink, or use foul language. She supports everyone in every way possible. It is her way of achieving success in the workplace. She is a good model. However, outside the office, at home and on the social scene, her language is quite different and her manner of dress is rather provocative. She regularly goes out on the town with her non-office friends. One evening, a group of Marianna's coworkers was entertaining some clients and happened to be at the same nightclub as Marianna and her friends. Her coworkers did not recognize her right away but noticed her dancing in a tight, low-cut dress that left little to the imagination. Marianna’s language and actions showed that she had been drinking heavily. Suddenly, one of her co-workers recognized her and let out an audible gasp of disbelief.

While the incident may have been a singular event, the would-be clients decided that Marianna would not be a good fit. Her coworkers were left to explain what had happened. The reputation that Marianna had worked so hard to achieve was tainted enough that she lost these new clients as well as the promotion she had expected.

It is the rare person whose behavior can be perfect at all times, but for those who want to move ahead and reduce personal stress, consistent behavior is extremely important. The fact is that we never know who will be watching. The safest behavior is to be consistent with who you are and want to be.

Another “Will the real person please step forward?” example, all too prevalent in today's society, is the difference between family and business relationships and ethics. At home, the father or mother is the shining example of honesty and integrity, teaching their children about the good things in life and how important it is to be involved in the community, to give, to make a difference. At work, that same person participates in unethical practices to get ahead. When the person is “found out,” the family is hurt and relationships may be destroyed.

What works is being the same real, consistent person all the time. People do business with people they know and trust. Relationships are built on consistency, integrity, trust, and knowledge.

We all want to be thought credible. Credibility comes from knowing who we are, being clear on our behavioral boundaries, and habitually behaving in a congruent manner. Only you know the real you. Make sure you like that person, and then be that person in work, play, networking, and every arena you encounter.

Contact Heshie at HeshieS@TheNationalNetworker.com or via TNNW Blog.