Inspiring NetWorkers – Inspiring Conversations

What if you could reduce the length of time by half that it takes to develop trusting relationships in your network?

A decade ago, networking for Marta Dabis was less than satisfying, productive or inspiring. Today, Marta is one of Michigan’s Inspired NetWorkers, helping people to experientially become better listeners using a unique relationship building tool she calls "Conversations in a Box". Through her networking leadership and her company, Inspiring Conversations, Marta is helping organizations create and sustain exceptional performance by developing people who are happy and fulfilled in trusting relationships.

"Looking back ten years ago I didn’t know much about networking and I didn’t find relationships very supportive," Marta recalls. "I had an agenda. I was always curious about people, but in the back of my mind I always had something to prove. [Now] I have learned to listen with more than just intellectual curiosity. We create meaning when we encounter others, and creating meaning begins with connecting."

Making Connections

"Networking is about making connections beyond the mental level," she explains. "When I wasn’t allowing this to happen, and had my own strong agenda, most of these relationships died in 1 or 2 steps." Today, Marta seeks to make connections with people and remain open to where the relationship leads, "but when we meet we create a space that is expanding. This opens new possibilities, something about me or the world around me that I haven’t realized just yet."

Marta Dabis understands the power of conversations and the need to be mutually engaging, respectful and attentive in order to “connect” and build a trusting relationship that goes beyond the superficial supplicant of one another’s needs.

Marta, like most small business owners these days, belongs to several key networking organizations, including a local Detroit-area chapter of Business Networks International (BNI) and the Greater Detroit Chapter of the National Association of Women Business Owners (NAWBO), where she is a co-chair of the Northeast Satellite.

"As co-chair within NAWBO, my role is to bring women together so they can grow as business owners and as people," Marta explains. "Like most groups, we are exploring who in our network would benefit from our help. Even with BNI, we seek to create wonderful synergies. The practical application is letting people come together and use that relationship-building to create business for each other."

The problem lies in the time it typically takes to build trusting relationships in which people truly care about one another, not just about the business but about the person, too. When relationships develop this personal quality, the quality and quantity of the business referrals also increase. Almost every business networking group understands this at some level, but few manage to achieve it for the majority of member relationships.

It’s All About Conversations

Think about your networking conversations; how do they go? I remember all too many where I, as well as others, have engaged in conversations that, no matter what was actually said, feel something like this:

"Hi, I’m Mark. How do you like me so far? OK then, let me tell you even more about myself and what I can do for you."

What have I learned? Not too many possibilities opening up there! We are a nation of advocates. We typically are very good about conveying our own ideas and agendas, not so good about discovering the wants and needs of others. It would be very easy to pick up the phone or go to your computer today and register for a public speaking seminar anywhere in the country, but very difficult to find a "public listening" seminar. Sales people that I train are constantly seeking that magical set of questions that will help them make the sale, yet they have yet to embrace WHY the questions are important in the first place.

Marta Dabis understands the power of conversations and the need to be mutually engaging, respectful and attentive in order to "connect" and build a trusting relationship that goes beyond the superficial supplicant of one another’s needs. She has found a tool that speeds up trust-building by slowing down our processing of dialogue.

Conversations in a Box

Marta helps organizations significantly shorten the trust-building cycle for new members by using what she calls "Conversations in a Box." "Conversations: An Inspirational Game" was created by Barry Auchettl in Ballarat, Australia, and is sold as a stand-alone product. At first glance it is just a game, but it really is a way to engage people and start building trust that is necessary for doing business together. Initially intended to be used as an ice breaker for workshops, Conversations is now being played with individuals, families, schools, groups and corporations at venues ranging from the table at a dinner party to the boardroom.

"I observed that in BNI people are leaving the group because they feel like they don’t belong or they are not building revenue. It takes 6-12 months normally before the trust exists to translate into relationships, referrals and new revenue. Shortening this cycle by 50 percent is a tremendous advantage," Marta claims.

“What we’re doing with ‘Conversations’ is bringing people into more authentic space that makes it easier for them to connect.
So why is this good for business? We do business with people that we trust, people that we like.”

"Meetings can be a drain on energy when people are focusing and sharing just the intellectual part of who they are," Marta explains. "This is true for meetings within the workplace and for networking meetings, too. What we’re doing with Conversations is bringing people into more authentic space that makes it easier for them to connect. So why is this good for business? We do business with people that we trust, people that we like."

"As human beings we have a tendency to judge people based on their expertise in their profession," she continues. "As a new member it may take me months to have a 1-on-1 meeting with every member of the group. So many meetings go by without knowing everyone well. In the Conversations setting I can see beyond people’s professions, because they turn out to be interesting people; of course they always were but I didn’t have the context before. This helps people connect more quickly to several people in the group."

How does it work?

A trained facilitator of ‘Conversations’ can take just a handful of cards into a networking event and facilitate for as little as 5 minutes to build deeper understanding and trust among members. Generally, there are two rules:

• Whatever is being said will not be questioned; and
• People try to make "I" statements about a personal perspective or experience instead of talking about what people should do.

Marta claims these two rules are difficult to achieve without an agenda. "We were taught how to talk. We were not taught how to listen. ‘Conversations in a Box’ helps people experientially to become listeners. And as I start to listen and accept the limitation of not responding I start to see commonalities, things that we share, that I didn’t see before because I was listening to solve a particularly challenge."

Marta now boasts 3 official Conversations Facilitators within her BNI group. The result is that people are comfortable in sharing things that are way beyond the intellectual. This builds trust more quickly and creates a much more sustainable, worthwhile networking experience for everyone.

Marta Dabis is an associate partner with Inspiring Conversations LLC, located in Auburn Hills, MI. She has served corporate clients in seven countries in the past 10 years. She holds a masters degree in Computer Science and Economics and an MBA in International Business and Human Resources Management. Have a conversation and connect with Marta by calling her at (888) 850-2206 Ext 702 or by contact page. Click to learn more about Conversations: an Inspirational Game.

If you know of a truly Inspiring NetWork or Inspiring NetWorker, please let me know. I will appreciate your input when you email me at marks@thenationalnetworker.com.

 

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