If the glove doesn’t fit...

I recently took the big step of quitting my 9-5 job and becoming my boss. After having a guaranteed paycheck for two decades, I now would have to hustle, find clients, and fulfill contracts to get paid. It was spooky to say the least.

One thing I had on my side was a great network of people who knew what I could do and were willing to be my first clients. Whew. But I knew that I had to find more clients and the way to do it was by building and expanding my network.

I had always stayed away from networking events in the past. I’m shy and reserved by nature, so while I was okay in small group situations, large gatherings always left me tongue tied and standing in a corner. Seriously, a root canal was preferable to being in a large group of people. But now my very livelihood depended on me getting out, meeting people, and selling myself.

So I took the plunge. I joined a local Business Networking International chapter. I started attending meetings of the Public Relations Society of America (I’ve been a member for years, but never actually attended the meetings). I also started calling people I haven’t seen in years.

I survived. Although my stomach was ready to revolt and I was sure that I would not make it, I did. And I must say that I did pretty well. I made small talk. I passed cards. I made real connections with the people I met. I actually enjoyed myself. And I got business.

Interestingly enough, because I’m networking so much and meeting so many people, I am now serving as a hub for others. Others come to me and ask for my opinion or a referral for something they need.

So now I’m a networking machine, right? Not so fast, Grasshopper.

An old friend invited me to attend a networking group to which she is a member. In years past, I probably would have declined. But I’m confident now. I have been networking and it’s been great. So I say yes.

We meet up and she starts introducing me to her fellow members. I make small talk. I wander off and meet others. During lunch I meet more members and I strike up conversations.

But it just didn’t feel right. To this day I can’t put my finger on it. The people weren’t unfriendly or rude. I wanted to like them and be accepted into their community. But in my gut I just didn’t feel like it would be a place I wanted to come back to time and again.

I felt bad. I wanted to make it work. I know that this group is fantastic for networking and high-powered business people attend on a regular basis. I know simply being invited to attend was an honor in itself. I spent a long time mulling over what exactly went wrong and how I was going to make it right. What was I going to do differently next time – if there was a next time.

And that brought me to a great realization about networking: Sometimes the relationship just doesn’t work and you have to move on. Networking is about the chemistry between people and groups of people and we have all seen bad chemical reactions. I’m not holding it against them, or beating myself up about it. You can’t force a relationship. It is what it is.

So I have decided not to join that networking group right now. I will be attending other chapter meetings to see if one provides a better fit. But I’m leaving the door open to come back and visit them again in the future. Who knows? In a year I might be a different person or the complexion of their group might change. I’m keeping an open mind.

And I can’t wait for the next opportunity to get out and meet new people.

Contact Danielle at daniellel@thenationalnetworker.com.com or TNNW Blog.

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