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Last month in
“The
Charisma Factor, Part I”, I dealt with the intangible quality that
draws one person to another. You were given examples of people who have
it and the power it bestows upon them. This part expands on the personal
magic of charisma, that quality which attracts and causes others to take
action. While it may not be obvious, everyone is charismatic to a
greater or lesser extent. It is not an easy process to develop and for
some, it might be as simple as having access to the tools.
What could you do with charisma? Almost
anything! Charisma gives you power. You can inspire, motivate,
activate. You can “will” things to happen. In fact, charisma is based
on the Law of Attraction. Your dominant thoughts behave like radio waves
and attract others with similar thoughts. You can summon opportunity,
resources, ideas, anything upon which you concentrate. You become a
personal magnet for whatever you want. Add emotion and passion to your
thoughts, and what you want, will appear. You may not recognize it in
the moment and you will recognize it when the time is right.
People will actually want to help you achieve your goals because they
are attracted to you and captivated by your mission and presence. Being
around you makes them feel good. They want to be like you, feel like
you. They want to help you, often not realizing, as they help you, they
are in fact helping themselves. The more positively they respond to you,
the more you jointly achieve. Relationships develop, synergy and
harmony unite and performance has the potential of exploding. Now, let's
turn to what you can do to become more charismatic . . . the “how to's”.
- Work on your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Stand in front of the mirror if need be and talk to yourself about all your positive qualities. Remember it is meant to build confidence not arrogance. What needs improvement? Take it one step at a time. Each step will get easier. When you are at ease and have an air of confidence, charisma has a chance of setting in. (Charisma and confidence are not interchangeable.) When you are confident, you resonate with people. You put them at ease. As a result, they assume you are capable. Their perception of your charisma might now start to grow.
- Be appropriately dressed for any occasion.
That means, good quality, in style, up to date clothing, including shoes and accessories.
- Perfect your posture.
It conveys confidence. Stand tall yet not rigid. Sit straight and forward, again not rigid. When you talk to someone, look them squarely in the eye. Avoid fidgeting. When in a roomful of people, even when you are not in conversation, continue to look relaxed and comfortable. Don't slouch.
- Use an authoritative, strong yet not overbearing handshake.
This is usually the first physical contact people have, so make it a positive first impression.
- Be positive.
In general, people do not like to be around negativity. It repels rather than attracts.
- Portray who you really are.
Charismatic people are unique individuals. They do not seek to emulate others. If they do, they lose their individuality and with it their personal charisma. Charismatic people stand out even when they are in the crowd. Seek to be your own person.
- Respect and treat each person who comes into your life as an equal; as though he or she is the most important person during the particular time frame in which you are engaged. They are no more or less important than you. Make them feel special by using their name, by smiling, making eye contact, listening intently, giving them a genuine compliment, mentioning something you truly admire about them. If that person gives you a compliment, accept it graciously. Never dismiss a compliment someone gives you. It invalidates them and their words.
- Take the focus off yourself when you are in conversation.
Concentrate on others making them feel comfortable and important.
- Do not bully nor allow yourself to be bullied.
When you set the example, you will be remembered by all you encounter.
- Expect others to accept you and you will get accepted.
- Have a strong sense of your own purpose.
Know what you want from this interaction. Your “why”. It tells you where you are going, and dictates what you need to do, how you are going to do it and what result you expect to produce. This is your ‘destination’. Others will come on board when they know you have your own compelling vision in place.
- Set clear goals and decide how you will achieve them.
Make this your road map to success. If unforeseen circumstances arise, handle them and move on. With clear goals, you have a greater likelihood of attracting the people and opportunities you need for success.
- Let others know of your willingness to help them and how they can help you.
Be direct, clear and concise.
- Perfect and use all critical communication skills.
They will allow you to create a real connection.
- If you have just been introduced, repeat the person's name, using it several times until you
have it memorized.
- Actively listen to others when they speak.
While it is fine to speak what's on your mind, do not do so by cutting them off to make your own point. In the process of listening, be fully present. That means not thinking about your next comment or question before they finish their thought or sentence.
- Look at the person, make eye contact, smile, nod your head, make responsive listening gestures and comments.
- Ask questions if you need clarification.
- When you believe they have finished a thought, or for that matter during the conversation, it is acceptable, and often desirable, to restate what you think they have said. This way they will feel understood.
- Use empathy statements whenever appropriate.
- Take a stand for your convictions.
It is alright to be controversial in a respectful manner. The public, as well as your family and friends will not respect you for changing your mind as the wind blows or when things don't go your way. Your charisma and congruency will carry you. Charismatic people do not fold up and go home. You can be flexible, just don't waffle. If you do, you lose.
- Step forward, assume leadership on the path you choose, take responsibility for the actions and the outcomes you produce, and most importantly, stay true to the values by which you live your life.
Charisma opens doors. Bring others along. Not only can you develop charisma for yourself, you can support others on their path. You can position them, extol their virtues, put them on a pedestal. Can you imagine the kinds of relationships we could build, how all of our businesses could flourish, if we took the time to help others develop what we are developing and building for ourselves? There is enough to go around. We really do live in a world of abundance.
Develop and live into your Charisma Factor and Give Wings To Your Relationships.
Email Heshie or Post a Comment via
TNNW Blog.
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