JetNetting ™ With Heshie Segal The First Impression Factor, Part 1   Heshie's Bio      Email article     RSS feed      Share on  facebook

Before you utter a word, you make an impression upon others. How you look, stand, sit, smile, frown and walk all have an impact. You are judged by the clothes and accessories you wear, by the color and style of your hair (or lack of it), the color of your skin, your gender, age, your physical characteristics, height, weight, grooming, facial features and expressions, your body language, eye contact, demeanor, energy level, manners and punctuality just to name a few.

What kind of car do you drive? Where do you live? What kind of house do you have? Someone is watching. Think about it. While you have not yet uttered a single word, people are already assessing and forming their first impression of you; and all this takes just seven to ten seconds.

Let’s delve a little deeper into the subject. You speak, even a few words or sentences. They listen. Now you are judged by the tone of your voice, how high or low the pitch is, how loud or soft the words are and the rate at which these words are spoken. And, let’s not forget your diction and grammar. Your English teacher probably told you they would count. They do, especially during the early stages of an interaction.

Next, we add the first physical touch. . . your handshake. Is it strong, weak, non-committal? You might not think this is a big deal. It is a very big deal.

The initial judgments people make of you are filtered through their own unique set of circumstances . . . their belief systems shaped by how they were raised, how they live today, how they want to live. Like it or not people judge you by their own experiences, their background, their standards, their perceptions, their distinct set of lenses and because of this they also tend to judge some traits to be better than others and some people to be better than others.

To this they add their assessments of your economic level, your social status, education, intelligence, success, sophistication, competence, self-confidence, charisma, reliability, humility and trustworthiness, etc. They will also decide if you are shy or outgoing, aggressive, assertive or passive, weak or strong, flexible, insecure, lax or timid? Will you fit into their circle of influence? The pondering continues.

These are all criteria used to form a first impression about you. Let’s turn the tables for a moment. You are now forming a first impression of someone else. What are your standards? What lenses do you use? How do you view others? You don’t think you don’t do any of these things? In reality, you do, even if it is unconsciously. If we did not make judgments, we would not know if we should approach or avoid someone; the discerning differences lie in the degree to which we assess as opposed to reacting without much thought.

Here’s an example. (I usually tend to give people the benefit of the doubt if they do not look and act according to my norms, and then see what will happened.) Not long ago, I was attending a seminar. People were dressed in everything imaginable, from suits to sweats to jeans. My personal belief system says when you want to do business, look the part. I was dressed in business attire.

On the first day of the seminar, I saw a woman wearing a sweat suit and a scarf around her head. Her appearance was very unprofessional and her actions were even louder. Any time something free was given out, she ran up to the stage to be first in line. Although she had a great smile, her attire and aggressive behavior (my perception) left me with a negative impression.

While I was on stage, she heard me say I often assist people in getting a new business off the ground. She approached me and asked for help. I did not know her and she was not someone I thought I would want as a business partner. I did give her my cell number figuring that would be the end of it. She talked to me at the seminar each day. Then she started calling, several times a day. I invited her to come to one of the two presentations my partner and I were giving after the seminar. She could not attend since she had to take her daughter to work. When else could we meet? She kept calling. By now, I was beginning to realize this woman would do whatever it took to pursue a dream. I finally gave her a time to meet at the airport so we could talk before our flight left. She arrived 45 minutes early and stayed until the plane took off.

I listened to her story. She was unemployed during the winter months. She wanted to get ahead. She said she had never attended a seminar and came to this one because it was free. She did not know how to dress for it. When she found out the hotel and food were not included, she slept in her car for four days. She wanted to start a construction company for women, run by women. She had limited education and yet it was easy to see the desire. I began re-evaluating my thoughts. It occurred to me this woman could actually be a “Blue Vaser”, someone who will do whatever it takes to get what he or she wants.

As we talked, it more clear . . . she was the real deal. I told her exactly what she had to do to be a part of our team and if she did it, she could attend our $5,000 Boot Camp for free. She did everything asked of her. She borrowed money for her airfare. She stayed with me in my home for six days. When she took the scarf off her head, she revealed a softer side of her and unleashed a very different persona. Everyone at the boot camp loved her.

When I was doing a session on first impressions at the Boot Camp, I actually told her story (with permission and in her presence). How wrong I had been! I normally bend over backwards to avoid making my first impression of someone a deep seated one. In this case, based on her appearance and behavior, the woman was so unlike anyone I would look for in a partner that it never dawned on me to delve more deeply. Because of her, I am now reminded everyday people are much more than what meets the eye. While it is true this woman is the exception, I add this story to point out that exceptions make it worth our not being hasty in our judgments.

First impressions can be erroneous for a variety of reasons. Use these three categories as examples:

1. Let’s say someone has had a bad day, did not feel well, has been rejected, failed a test, lost a job, whatever . . . affecting their behavior enough to give a bad impression. Don’t assume they are always that way. If, however, this behavior is repeated one or two more times, then, your first impression may have indeed been correct.
2. When we evaluate someone by a single trait, we may tend to assume that the person has a cluster of similar traits. Either or both could be erroneous.
3. Words and phrases may vary according to age, gender, culture and background. What may be appropriate in one area may not be acceptable in another. Hence, a false first impression.

First impressions set the tone, positive or negative. If you make a bad impression, you are at a distinct disadvantage for creating future interactions. Make a positive impression and people will be more open to building a potential relationship with you.

In my next columns, “The First Impression Factor” will highlight how to create a positive impression, make it a lasting one, and how to overcome a bad first impression; not an easy task, nor one that is impossible.

Email Heshie or Post a Comment via TNNW Blog.
 

Sign up for our newsleter;
Email a friend.

Go to: Site Map